| | 6:08 PM - The humor never ends. I entreat you to read, in full, the following article. It should leave you in breathless bouts of laughter. Even those of you who are really familiar with this tale will be amazed by the writing skill of this person as well as the classic story.
Fabio Fights Back!
by Joal Ryan
Apr 2, 1999, 11:55 AM PT
Freud and Fabio agree: There are no accidents.
Not even when an out-of-the-blue bird smacks you in the face during a previously merry roller coaster ride.
The muscled pretty man (uh, that would be Fabio--not Freud) is calling out the Virginia theme park where he suffered a blood-splattering collision with a wayward winged thing on Tuesday.
In his first statements since the "accident," the butter-alternative pitchman says Busch Gardens needs to install safety measures "now" to ensure "that this will not happen again."
Lest you think Fabio is unduly paranoid about being subjected to further avian attacks, the man says he's only thinking of the children.
Next time, a like-incident "could cause more serious accidents or possibly a child's death," he warns.
Nationwide accident data involving birds, roller-coaster riders and birds versus roller-coaster riders were not immediately available.
The 6'3", 220-pound Fabio sustained a one-inch gash to the bridge of his nose in this week's mishap. It occurred early into a pleasure ride on the Apollo's Chariot--a Busch Gardens roller coaster that Fabio had been enlisted to help promote.
Investigators have fingered a goose as the assailant. The body of a dead waterfowl was found near the ride, officials said Thursday. Motive remains unknown--although a suicide mission cannot be ruled out.
Fabio, at least, seems to be placing fault with the park. He accused the venue of building its roller coaster too close to a goose-inhabited lake.
"I'm glad the results were much less significant," he said.
Busch Gardens officials could not be reached for comment.
Fabio, meanwhile, is said to be resting comfortably at his Beverly Hills home.
"I am grateful for all the cards and well wishes," he said.
Fabio, 38, is best known for being well known. Additionally, he poses in strategically ripped shirts for romance-novel covers and I Can't Believe It's Not Butter commercials. His favorite color is turquoise. 2 Comments |
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