| | 12:18 AM - summer, summer, summertime (summertime) ...we'll just sit back & unwind.
Ah, the glory of Will Smith...
I am tempted to wax self-consciously poetic about how the last month or so (from the night before the road trip with Tamara onward) has been a remarkably emotional time for me, but then I'm forced to push back the time frame and see that things began before that. Maybe that afternoon I sat teary-eyed outside of the Coffee Bean in L.A. by myself after having finished my last-ever exam with no one to celebrate with was when this gently sloping rollercoaster ride began. But no: rewind to before that, and before that, and before that. If I so choose, I can divide my life into little vignettes and chapters according to events or themes or music I was listening to at the time or whatever suits my fancy.
What's most striking about my life is that it's forever shifting and surprising me. Maybe some find the day to day predictability of routine comforting, but to me that smacks of monotomy and boredom. Each day I can't imagine how years or even months ago I lived without the newer friends that I currently consider so important. Some friends outside of my Athens circle get the impression that I'm somewhat of a party girl; it's true that I often talk about who I know and what we did and what get-togethers we all attended. But what those people fail to understand about my life here is the intensity of the connections I feel with my Athenian peers. The community here is so creative, so vibrant. I fear that many residents often take it for granted. Sometimes I use the excuse that I'm a scholar in the field of creativity and that's the reason I am so prone to expressing my appreciation for the nurturing creative enclave we have here--but even if I had not pursued creative studies I would still pick up on this amazing vibe. It's true that it can get gossipy and that I have become caught up in that cycle here and there, but it's also true that my closest friends and I are more apt to be open-minded and give people a chance than to listen to a story someone heard about someone who knew someone who knew someone from college six years ago and believe it. Tangent, tangent--let me refocus here.
Once in awhile I tell people that I wish I had some sort of musical gift. Though it'd be cool to be able to pick up an instrument and play something even vaguely recognizable or be able to sing a song without feeling cripplingly self-conscious, the term "wish" makes it seem that I am simply dying to fit in with the musicians in this town. Not true. I don't know why I use that word--truth is, I am at ease being a listener; I just need to become more and more comfortable admitting that I don't know too much about the technical aspects of the music and what goes into making it.
I need to get off my butt and start pursuing the art projects I've let lie dormant for the past few months. At first, school work was my excuse. Since summer began, excessive travel and houseguests were the reasons I couldn't start my stuff. When I get back from this particular trip, I vow to start doing something!! I need to not put pressure on myself to come up with some product that others will like. After all, as a student of creativity, I have come to the realization that it's the process that matters most. (ha-had to throw that student thing in there again...)
Now I write and wonder why I ended up at a point I wasn't aiming for; I begin to scold myself for not having the neat bookends to this cheesy personal essay approach that I "should" have. But who cares? It's a blog. Got my words out. Declared a goal for myself. Declared my love of Athens once again. Guess I didn't actually have a goal to start with and ended up just fine--sort of how I live my life anyway, and look how rich my life is and always has been.
If the excitement of the current chapter isn't resurrected in some form when I get back, I'll deal with it just fine. In a life full of starts and stops that merge into one another, it'd really surprise me if the fall held in store more of the same type of bittersweet experiences that the early summer has so far. Some people whom I love more than anyone else in this world (true statement) are having their hearts torn and bruised while others are learning to open up to people despite this ultimate painful possibility.
Love,
Janet
P.S. If you made it through this, thanks a lot. I mean that. If you skimmed to the end and got this p.s., that's fine too, of course. I doubt I would have looked through it all. 3 Comments |
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