I have red, painful bumps on my back. Out of nowhere. I'm convinced I am carrying yet another deadly disease--this one in addition to the hundreds of others I've diagnosed myself with over the years. I don't remember getting bitten by any wintertime insects, all my medical website searches say that detergent and perfumes are very rarely the cause, and the bumps are definitely not pimples. They're gross. And they hurt!
Awful Theory One: Last week when my friend gave me a little peck on the shoulder post-hot tub she gave me herpes. (She was having a cold sore outbreak and we joked about her giving me herpes--I am fairly confident this is not my ailment.)
Awful Theory Two: I have shingles. You can have shingles if you had chicken pox, right? (I've barred myself from further internet searches due to increased hysteria, so I can't look it up myself.)
Awful Theory Three: There are small bugs that live in my bed and bite my back, side, and two spots on my leg while I sleep.
Awful Theory Four: I'm suddenly allergic to something rather constant in my life and I've broken out in hives (though my grody bumps look nothing like the photos of hives I've done a google image search for).
Awful Theory Five: Soon my entire body will be one red bump and I'll have one month to live. You all will forget what I really looked like and only see me as a red rubber ball.
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