kwotable kidz

I babysit for three smart, funny, and--let's face it--adorable children. They have all been known to say pretty hilarious, ingenious things, and once in awhile I write these things down.

1. While playing an imaginary war game, B. (who was 7 at the time), said to his enemy, "Well, I'm not listening to the devil! I'm listening to God and Jesus. Or whatever their names are."
2. P., who has been highly quotable from a young age, tends to create various accents during every game he plays. Once last year when he was 4, he stood on the couch and said to me very earnestly, "Davy Crockett. He had a wolf hat, cut up clothes, and bare feet." This was delivered in a country accent (with gestures) as the introduction to a Davy Crockett game he'd just thought up.
3. E. (3-year-old girl) who is potty trained but still needs help, thought it was hilarious that her underwear was on the bathroom floor next to the tub while she sat on the toilet to pee this afternoon. "You left my underwear on the floor! The bathtub will be laughing and crying about that." She then erupted in a cascade of giggles.
4. P. has a flair for the dramatic, as I mentioned above. He sometimes gets very apocalyptic and serious. Here he's playing the superhero-gone-bad game he likes so much, explaining why he, the bad guy, ended up in such a rough place. "The devil turned us evil until the devil died and we killed God!"
5. While playing Wild West shortly after his fifth birthday, my character told P.'s character I was proud of him for surviving in the desert. His accented response? "There's no proud here. This is the Wild West." During that same game I offered him a glass of milk. He refused me and then said, "We don't like milk. We like blood."
6. During a tour of the nonexistent family graveyard, one of P.'s self-created characters took me around to the tombstones to tell me about each family member buried there. "This is my grandpa. And my little brother, Tommy. And my mom, and my grandma, and my great-grandma. [beat] And I love this guy the best: God and Jesus."
7. During that same game, I asked him how his [imaginary] grandpa died. "He died in the war and got killed by an evil troll with an axe."
8. P.'s friend R. was over to play one day. R. has the adorably high-pitched voice of many five-year-olds. (I'm not being facetious here--she really is cute.) She was playing with some dolls and didn't want P. to play with her, since he said he didn't like dolls. Eventually he reneged and approached her with, "Can I play?" She reluctantly acquiesced. "Okay...but you have to be a mother." P. considered this and said, "...Or a dolphin?" "Okay!"
9. Nearly three years ago, 6-year-old B. inspected 3-year-old brother P.'s class picture and had a very important question he couldn't wait to ask. "P.? P.? P.? P.! P.?" "Yeah?" "Who's this Asian-colored kid?"
   

very angry that I have a SUPERIOR computer

Georgia libraries now offer this AMAZINGLY EXCITING program where you can borrow audiobooks from an online library using your library card and...oh wait...your PC. That's right, it's for PCs and PCs only, and I couldn't be more frustrated. You'd be hard pressed to find an Athenian more excited than I about this venture. And of course the damned thing doesn't work with my computer.

Angrily yours,

J.E.G.