my lava lamp and other forgotten boredom-busters

Last night I rediscovered my old lava lamp. In eighth or night grade, the lava lamp with red lava (or was it a red base?) was my most coveted item to be found at Spencer Gifts at North Point Mall. I wanted a lava lamp. I needed one. I would not accept one unless it was silver and red.

When I saved up enough money to get one (or convinced my parents to donate to the cause), I found that Spencer's only had silver lamps with black lava. I dropped my stubbornness and got that one--such was my desperation.

In the last ten years, I've probably turned it on once. Many are the times I've thought of selling it or giving it away but a, who would buy it? and b, WHY WOULD I GIVE AWAY ANYTHING THAT I MIGHT POSSIBLY USE ONE DAY IN THE FUTURE?*

Today I plugged the old girl in. I'd forgotten how gross and blobby it looks for the first twenty or thirty minutes. Yech.


* This is my general policy and results in my having a three-bedroom house filled to the brim with my own crap. Crap that I love.

accidental drunk

From an email I composed 12/6/2006:

Ah, the lovely prospect of a tall glass of 100% good-for-the-soul-and-bladder cranberry juice on a Monday afternoon when you've slept little and worked all afternoon with whiny tutees, as we are wont to call the oft-bratty children Janet tutors at the elementary school. Craving a glass of orange juice but knowing there is none in her fridge, Janet is thrilled when she encounters a jug of cranberry juice at her fingertips. "Ah," thinks she, "someone brought this as a mixer for last night's shindig." She pours a tall--and I mean tall--glass for herself and chugs it down. Before the cranberries can register, she pours another half-glass and chugs that.

"Ah, what a lush am I!" Janet muses. "I so rarely drink cranberry juice now, and the only time I consume it is about once every month or two at the Flicker Bar when it's mixed with a little touch o' vodka. I'm so conditioned that I am now convinced that this here cranberry juice tastes like alcohol. How embarrassing!"

Then, in a hazy flash (ah, can a flash be hazy? trust me, it can), it occurs to her: BONNIE. Bonnie is the culprit. Or at least Bonnie's mixed drink. She remembers her dear advisor having walked in the house the night before announcing something to the effect of, "This looks innocent enough, but really this juice has..." (The ellipses is meant to include all the sorts of alcohol Bonnie stashed in the innocent-looking juice jug.)

So, folks, that is the story of how a very tired Janet accidentally did shots of alky juice at 6:15 on a Monday night and got drunk in a jiffy.

Thanks, Bonnie.

Love,

Janet

Program Me In

You have to see this new Je Suis France video. My friend Jeremy Wheatley has been hiding away writing songs for a long time, but only recently has he started playing the gee-tar and singing for his adoring fans.

He's in an awesome band called Je Suis France, and he's the star of the new video. I LOVE this video. The song is really cool, too.

THE END.

Did you see me on TV?

Tonight's (Wednesday's) David Letterman show features Dave talking about the quilt my aunt made him as well as a little zoomed-in shot of Jim and me in the audience. (I'm opened-mouthed, surprised he mentioned Auntie Dorothy despite my having reminded him of the gift she gave him years ago.)

Here you can read about my stardom. Clips are unavailable, much to my fans' chagrin.

http://www.cbs.com/latenight/lateshow/wahoo/index/php/20080507.phtml

The end.

Love,
superstar

fortunista Janny

By the way, this photo was of me when I was PRACTICING my look two days before the event. My real fortune teller self did not look like a drag queen. The outfit and scarf were different and made me look like A GEN-YOO-INE GYPSY. Really. I just don't have any pictures.
I would like you all to know that I just ran into one of the girls whose fortune I read at the Homeless Day Service Center Benefit. She and I recognized each other but weren't sure how we knew each other. Finally I said, "Oh! Did you have your fortune told?" (HOW DID I KNOW THAT?!)

The answer was yes. She told me the fortune was really good. Turns out I have amazing skills when it comes to saying what people want to hear. Ta da!

foodie

Asian Noodle Bowl (complete with chopsticks I usually use to stir tea!)

Garlic Shrimp with linguine

Two hairy guys eat my food and claim to like it.

Brown rice, zucchini + broccoli all spiced up, and herb baked crunchy chicken

Delicious Hummus of my dreams

I started cooking in the last few months. Turns out I'm not all that bad! Also turns out it takes forever to load photos onto blogger. (Anyone know how to speed up that process?)